Wedding speeches: who speaks, in what order, and when
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At a traditional UK wedding there are three speeches, given in this order: the father of the bride, then the groom, then the best man. They usually follow the meal, and each ends with a toast. That is custom, not a rule. Couples can add a speech from the bride, the maid of honour or both of them together, change the order, or hold the speeches before the food.
See how the speeches fit your day with the wedding day timeline builder. Set how many there are, how long each one runs and whether they come before or after the meal.
Who gives a speech at a wedding
Debrett’s describes the traditional set: the best man’s speech “is traditionally the culmination of the wedding speeches, following on from the father of the bride and the groom.” The table below is that custom, with what each speaker usually does.
| Order | Speaker | What the speech does |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Father of the bride, or whoever stands in that role | Thanks everyone involved in organising the day, talks about the bride, welcomes the groom, toasts the couple |
| 2 | The groom | Thanks the first speaker, the guests, both sets of parents and the best man; traditionally toasts the bridesmaids |
| 3 | The best man | Reads any messages from absent friends, tells the story of the groom, toasts the newly-weds |
The descriptions follow Debrett’s account. It says the groom “thanks the guests, the bride’s parents (if they’re hosting the wedding), and his own parents and best man”, and that his toast to the bridesmaids “is becoming less common and an alternative toast may be preferred.”
Who does a speech at a wedding now
The three traditional speakers are a starting point. Debrett’s notes that “The conventional roles of best man, chief bridesmaid, bridesmaids and ushers are now all interchangeable and can apply to either gender.” Other line-ups you will come across:
- A speech from the bride, straight after the groom’s, or one joint speech from the two of them.
- A maid of honour or chief bridesmaid speaking as well as, or instead of, a best man.
- A mother, stepfather or other relative giving the first speech in place of the father of the bride.
- Two best men or two maids of honour sharing one speech.
- For two grooms or two brides, one parent from each family, then the couple, then the friends.
A simple rule for any line-up: hosts first, the couple in the middle, friends last. The last speech is the one that ends with a toast to the couple and hands over to the next part of the day. If the two of you are speaking together, the bride and groom speech template gives an order to follow.
How long should each speech be?
This site works on 10 minutes a speech, the same figure the timeline builder uses by default. Three speeches at 10 minutes each make a 30-minute block, which is what the timelines in the UK wedding day timeline guide allow.
Shorter is easier on a room. For the best man, Debrett’s advises practising the speech so you can time it, and to “aim for no more than five minutes”. The length of wedding speeches adds up quickly with more speakers: five speeches at 10 minutes is 50 minutes of sitting still, so set a length with each speaker in advance and put the total in your timeline.
Speeches before or after the meal
Debrett’s says “the tradition is to have all the speeches after the meal”, when guests have eaten and there is “a natural lull”. Some couples hold them first instead, so the speakers can relax and enjoy the food. Both work. What changes is where the time goes.
Here is a 1pm ceremony in the timeline builder with three 10-minute speeches, first after the meal and then before it. Every other setting is the default.
| What happens | After the meal | Before the meal |
|---|---|---|
| Guests called to seats | 15:15 | 15:15 |
| Speeches | 17:00 | 15:30 |
| Meal served | 15:30 | 16:00 |
| Room turnaround | 17:30 | 17:30 |
| Evening guests arrive | 18:00 | 18:00 |
The evening starts at the same time either way. Putting the speeches first moves the meal back by the length of the speeches, 30 minutes here, so the kitchen needs to know. Putting them after means guests eat as soon as they sit down, and the speeches close the meal just before the room is turned round.
Speeches at weddings split between courses
A third option is one speech between each course. Debrett’s is not keen, saying “a series of interruptions between courses won’t be very popular”. If you choose it, tell the caterer which course each speech follows, because the kitchen has to hold the next course until the speech ends.
Toasts and hand-overs
Each traditional speech ends with a toast, and the toasts move the room from one speaker to the next. In Debrett’s account, the father of the bride “finishes with a toast to the ‘bride and groom’”. The groom traditionally toasts the bridesmaids, or chooses another toast. The best man’s speech “should conclude with reiterated thanks to all involved in organising the wedding, and a toast to the newly-weds”, and he can “announce the cutting of the cake, if applicable.”
Whoever speaks last should know what happens next, whether that is the cake, the room turnaround or the first course. Give them the line to say, and give the venue the same time.
A speech during the wedding ceremony
Speeches belong to the reception. Words during the ceremony itself are usually readings, chosen with the registrar, celebrant or minister. For a civil ceremony, GOV.UK says the ceremony “can include readings, songs or music, but must not include anything that’s religious”, so check any reading with the registrar before the day.
At the reception, seat the speakers where everyone can see them. With traditional speeches, Debrett’s suggests putting the father of the bride, the best man and the groom at the same table or neighbouring ones, in a central position “so that they will be clearly visible and audible.”